Among NBC's lineup of must-see-free TV this past couple seasons — oh, don't you "OMG, Smash" us — the most useless, America's Got Talent, will hold auditions in San Francisco's Civic Center this weekend. Who should audition? Those of you with sad background stories (make something up; NBC doesn't care either way) and some talent involving singing or dancing or dancing and singing. Simon Cowell, who produces America's Got Talent, has the following advice for acts auditioning: 1) Be original, 2) don't be boring, 3) Stand out from the crowd, and 4) be fearless. more ›

Last night was the private premiere party for J.J. Abrams' new San Francisco-based time-and-space-bending TV show Alcatraz. As far as we can tell, no one other than Entertainment Weekly and the show's principal stars were in attendance at the shindig, which was held — where else? — on the Rock itself. We're kind of bummed nobody invited us along because we love television and have been saving up a ton of Jurassic Park jokes to tell Sam Neill for, like, years now. Anyway according to EW's party report, Fox and Warner Brothers "pulled out all the stops" for the party, which included making people eat off of prison-issue tin plates at dinner and interviewing the cast in the shower room. Because that seems fun. more ›

We've done a 180-degree turn on Mr. Anthony Bourdain after viewing last night's San Francisco The Layover on The Travel Channel. Bourdain calls Swan Oyster Depot one of his favorite places in San Francisco, talks about crossing swords at The Tonga Room, slurs his words, and throws shade at food bloggers. At North Beach's Mr. Bing's, he yells, "You're going to get a lot of annoying, foodie f**kin bloggers saying...What kind of psychotic f**king freak would not love this place?" more ›

Are you a talented (or camera-friendly) home cook? Producers of FOX's MasterChef, a cooking reality show that insults amateur chefs, will be in San Francisco on Saturday to cast for the third season. You must bring with you one prepared dish to be served to the food judges. According to the show's site, "You will be given a few minutes to plate your dish at the given casting location, but there will not be a kitchen to cook or warm it up so come prepared!" more ›

We don't know who the Kaplans are, but we sure do like their style. Lauren and Michael Kaplan used edited footage from a recent trip to San Francisco to re-creating the intro to Full House, the greatest Friday night sitcom in ABC history. While it starts off with an eyebrow-cocking "San Fran" (forgive them for they know not what they do, commenters), the entire thing is delightful, humorous and well-produced. more ›

Jane Lynch was the guest of honor at Fall Free for All, the season-opening celebration for Cal Performances, this past Sunday. While speaking to a (rapt) audience, Lynch said, "If I could choose who I want to be when I come back in my next life, it would be Darren Criss." more ›

Convicted in the 1989 murder of an off-duty Savannah police officer, Troy Davis presented affidavits of seven of the nine witnesses at his trial who have since recanted their testimony. Davis never received a new trial and was unjustly executed this week. more ›

Spotted in the the Talent Gigs section of Craigslist: a call for actors to star and support in "a TV Pilot about a clairvoyant female cafe owner that helps singles find true love." [sic] Hard to tell if the producers here are shooting for a Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place-style situational comedy or if will be more of a Touched by an Angel spiritual drama, but the core pitch is solid. We are, after all, well-known for our abundance of both café owners and clairvoyants around here. more ›

Boy, do we love us some Mr. Bing's in North Beach. In fact, it's where we might or might not have gotten into a heated argument recently with the editor of Inside Scoop over the intellect, or lack thereof, of one Miss Britney Spears. (We lost that argument, clearly.) Anyway, the popular-yet-dusty bar hosted a segment today for Anthony Bourdain's new show tentatively titled The Layover. more ›

During Thursday night's Tonight Show comedian and macadamia nut purveyor, Roseanne Barr announced her bid for U.S. President in the 2012 election. "I decided since you're the one who got Arnold Schwarzenegger elected as governor of California, I wanted to make my announcement here on your show," she told Jay Leno. "My announcement is that I am running for president of the United States." After some chortling from the studio audience, she went on to add, "I'm totally serious." more ›

On last night's Intervention (the Emmy Award-winning reality series that follows drug addicts around with a camera, culminating in a usually heart-wrenching "gift" of rehab presented by the subject's family) two locals were featured on the show. Luke, one of the kids you see skateboarding by the Ferry Building, and his mother live on the streets due to the former's problem with crack-cocaine. He's a bright kid who wants to become a journalist (not a good profession for an addict, by the way) and loves to read (Hunter S. Thompson and Jack Kerouac, just to name two), but can't seem to stop using that which is whack. The whole ordeal is sad (yet entertaining) and a testament to the folks we see living on the streets each day. more ›

Sex advice columnist and It Gets Better founder Dan Savage stopped by The Cobert Report last night to discuss monogamy in marriage. Profiled in the New York Times recently, he "argued that sometimes monogamy is what dooms a marriage." Some foes of gay marriage have since blasted Savage for being pro marriage, against divorce and yet not having a monogamous relationship with his partner. more ›

Your days of enjoying a combo plan of getting a disc or two via those red envelopes in the mail and streaming content from California-based Netflix are numbered, kids. Starting September 1, the popular site is implementing separate plans for streaming and physical disc borrowing. more ›

Inside Scoop's masterful Paolo Lucchesi brings us crucial entertainment this afternoon: James Brown's two long-lost Cup-O-Noodle commercials. They're beautiful. Lucchesi notes: "Sometimes there are no words. This is not one of those times. There is just one word here: Amazingness. This is guaranteed to brighten anyone's day." And how. more ›

Former KPIX news anchor and Emmy Award-winner John Kessler felt the need to apologize on Facebook today after announcing his new gig at NBC Bay Area, which, ridiculously, managed to upset some of his future on-air colleagues. Kessler writes: more ›

On tonight's season opener of The Bachelorette -- girlie spinoff of The Bachelor, ABC's popular fake reality dating show about white people -- one of the 25 bachelors in competition is 28-year-old Sonoma winemaker Benjamin Flajnik. And just look at him. No, look at him! He looks like the kind of guy with whom one might want to have premarital sexual intercourse. Good call, Disney Company. more ›

Alcatraz, the latest time-traveling island psychodrama from J.J. Abrams and company got picked up by Fox for the 2012 season. Wonderful, and now we have this teaser trailer. It looks very... mysterious? Kinda dark? Apparently J.J. Abrams' vision of San Francisco is as gray as Sam Neill's hair these days. Jump to around 1:34 for a cameo from those gunshots on Filbert Street from a couple months back, and it only took a minute and forty seconds for Hugo Reyes Jorge Garcia to utter "Holy crap! You gotta come see this!" Glad to see he's not a victim of typecasting, at least. [YouTube] more ›

The 8-year-old girl whose mother gave her Botox injections and bikini waxes, in a bizarre effort to turn her into a pageant beauty winner, was taken out of her home. After fame-hungry San Francisco mom Kerry Campbell appeared on Good Morning America and Inside Edition on March 12 to defend her daughter's painful beauty treatments, the "San Francisco Human Services Agency" and SFPD conducted an investigation. more ›

UGO Entertainment reports that J.J. Abrams' San Francisco-set (obviously) time-traveling (also kind of obvious) crime drama Alcatraz has been picked up by Fox. You'll remember crews were around town filming the pilot episode back in February and they must have captured some particularly compelling footage because rumor has it Fox was ready to pass on the series. more ›

The lovely Michele Mandell brings word that noted KQED restaurant-review show Check, Please! Bay Area is looking for a few good reviewers. Might you be one of them? The rules, in addition to being camera-ready, are as follows: You must be at least 21 years old, you must be willing to travel to and participate in a taping at KQED studios in San Francisco, you must be free on a weekday for a few hours, and you must be able to travel to any restaurant location within a 50-mile radius of San Francisco at your own expense. more ›

While we loathe most competitive TV shows, Top Chef and the CBS's epic Big Brother are the notable exceptions. Compared to Bravo's Emmy Award winner about scallop searing, molecular gastronomy and fauxhawks, Big Brother is particularly ghastly. Thirteen strangers are selected to live inside a compound during the summer months somewhere in the Valley, and the one left standing wins $500,000. (The disgusting Dick Donato, if you recall, somehow managed to win season 8, even after indirectly threatening a female housemate with rape. His daughter, Daniele.) The entire experiment is broadcast on TV and live on the web, warts and all. Furthermore, you should tryout for it this coming Saturday at Sugar Cafe! more ›

LITERARY: Tonight kicks off Fantomas-By-The-Bay, a centennial celebration of pulp fiction writers Pierre Souvestre and Marcel Allain's ultimate anti-hero, who was as enigmatic as he was treacherous. Tonight's reception, Fantomas Strikes the Bay!, will feature an absinthe tasting followed by an evening of readings, diatribes, manifestos, and performances by a big line-up of local luminaries. City Lights recommends getting a costume at nearby Al's Attire for the occasion. more ›

Bad Girls Club: The advent of reality TV has led us to this very moment, and what a moment it is. Bad Girls Club, a jarrong hour-long show, houses seven awesome women inside a luxe Los Angeles Sherman Oaks-adjacent McMansion and then gives them access to loads of booze, a limo, and estrogen-enriched strife. Chaos, fisticuffs, and pixilated private parts ensue. While Jersey Shore receives the cultural zeitgeist fanfare, BGC is, without question, actually the show of our times. On tonight's episode, Wilmarie gets burned by her allies (serves you right, replacement!), Char tries to keep her posse (proxies never work, Char!), and Nikki tries attempts sexual intercourse with an American-Italian (kudos to you, Nikki!). 8 p.m., Oxygen more ›

Britney Spear's much-ballyhooed San Francisco mini-concert, filmed at Bill Graham Civic Auditorium on Sunday, aired today on Good Morning America and landed with a resounding meh. " I've seen her use more energy when walking to the car with a Venti Frapp in her hand," notes Michael K of DListed. Behold: more ›

OK, we're getting quite, um, rustic here by showing you a recorded preview of The Franchise, the Showtime reality show based on the San Francisco Giants post-World Series win. Sadly, Showtime hasn't released a clearer version on YouTube, which is why you're seeing this alluc.org-esque version of the preview. Sorry, folks. Anyway, check it out: more ›